Another soul 

The Lord has picked, 

For the 16th time 

Pope Benedict. 

Brass handles are polished, 

A coffin lid clunks 

For Vivienne Westwood 

Who made clothes for punks. 

Let us say farewell 

To Pele 

Who used a boot 

That wasn’t a welly. 

So Pele is dead 

Greatest player of all time? 

Da, oui, ja, yes, si 

 

Finding another 

Greatest player of all time? 

It could be Messi 

I’ve just heard 

That John Bird 

Will be interred. 

Spread the word. 

Whether you’re small 

Or very tall 

We’re all going to mourn 

For Terry Hall. 

The star of Hi-De-Hi 

Is the latest one to die 

Now we’ll not know if Ruth Madoc 

Preferred cod or haddock. 

Shake your danglers 

For the drummer of The Stranglers 

For Jet Black 

Has laid his last track. 

Saddened we’ll be 

For Christine McVie. 

Alas, the Songbird 

Will no longer be heard. 

Irene Cara 

Remember her name 

For she’ll never 

Sing again. 

Today the wrong Johnson 

Gets encased in wood. 

Farewell Wilko 

Of Doctor Feelgood. 

Never on the backburner 

Always visual 

Farewell Nik Turner 

And your Space Ritual. 

We sadly lament 

Another death - 

Dan McCafferty 

Of Nazareth. 

I say! Hel-lo! 

and Ding Dong! 

Leslie Phillips CBE 

Is gone. 

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire! 

Jerry has joined the celestial choir. 

The Comic Strip Presents... 

Another sad event 

For Robbie Coltrane 

Now gets his quatrain. 

Robbie Coltrane 

He drank too much. 

He smoked too much. 

He was too much. 

I know that everybody reckoned 

That Queen Elizabeth the second 

Would keep on going and never die 

But she’s just as mortal as you and I. 

Oh queen oh queen 

Where have you been? 

Here. On earth, so long 

96 years you spent alive 

And now that is all gone 

 

You waved your royal hand 

And you always looked so grand 

As you wore your nice pearl necklace 

Now you leave this pleasant land 

With its sky and sea and sand 

And it’s people oh so feckless 

 

Oh queen oh queen 

Were you a dream? 

Your palace is now dark 

The corgis are all crying 

And the swans die in the park 

 

You smiled and said hello 

You were always on the go 

What more is there you can do? 

Now I feel my sorrow grow 

But a new king soon we’ll know 

Thank god it’s Charles not Andrew 

 

Oh queen oh queen 

What can this mean 

The world has lost its sparkle 

You were so true 

To all you knew 

Apart from Princess Diana 

And Meghan Markle 

Good old Mikhail Gorbachev 

Was relatively thought well of. 

He gave us Glasnost and Perestroika 

With just a birthmark and not a goitre. 

Mikhail Gorbachev 

Said he just had a cough, 

But was worse than he said 

For right now he’s quite dead. 

Gorbachev’s wall has fallen 

He’s completely glasnost! 

At the ripe old age of 91 

He wasn’t rushing 

In the graveyard 

The digger digs 

The resting place for 

Raymond Briggs. 

She wasn’t killed 

By a neutron bomb 

But still we’ve lost  

Olivia Newton-John 

The trouble with a tribble 

Is not that it tickles 

But puts in a pickle 

The crew and Nichelle Nichols 

Bernard Cribbins 

Had a good innings. 

He sang Right Said Fred 

But is quite sad dead. 

He’s alive and well 

And other such fibbings 

No longer apply 

To Bernard Cribbins. 

I’m not a liar, I haven’t a clue. 

Barry Cryer, brought smiles to you. 

Was a dier in ’22. 

This powerful singer 

Was once a Dead Ringer 

But a tear must be shed 

For now he’s just dead. 

So heaven can’t wait. 

Out of the frying pan and 

Into the fire. 

Ronnie Spector 

Wanted to Be My Baby, 

But now she won’t be 

Not even maybe. 

Zoom along, superstar 

All over the land 

Move on music man 

Burke Shelley 

Gave it lots of welly, 

But I’m sorry to talk 

About his last Squawk. 

Poor old Burke’s 

Been taken from us. 

Oft he’d play with 

His John Thomas. 

They keep on telling us 

You can’t say that here 

But we’ll still say farewell 

To Sidney Poitier.